MAKING A HOUSE INTO A HOME

07/05/23

“Men have a cave. Women make it into a home.”

The greatest offer I have ever received was on my wedding day, when my husband said ” I do”. By this simple gesture, he invited me to be his homemaker, the beauty, comfort and creator of love in his life.
There is rarely a day that he doesn't explicitly thank me for all my time and effort that goes into this task.
I enjoy being a stay at home wife more than I ever could have imagined.
We crave a simple life. Few first world luxury's and I work within the bounds of our financial means. My husband has the last say in major financial decisions. He does our taxes and tax accounting. I take care of everyday grocery shopping, small expenses, and research into major investments. Since I am the petrol head (car enthusiast) in our family I also handle the maintenance of our car. I was also the one doing all the research into what car to buy. I will talk with people, will get information online, etc. But the check will always be written by my husband. I very much prefer it that way.

Don't get me wrong, I have full access to all our finances. There are no restrictions on my budget or any upper bounds on what I can spend in a week or a month. My husband fully trusts me and I fully trust him. We are working as one unit, far more effective than one of us alone could ever be.
Where he grants me the privilege to be a stay-at-home mother, I will make sure that there is always a nutritious, delicious meal on the table. All of this only works because we communicate and act as two responsible, grown-up adults that value the input both parties bring to the family table equally.

I am a free woman (freer than I have ever been in my life). The luxury of just right now, sitting in a calm place, writing this piece without a need to generate an income or climbing the career ladder, is the greatest freedom that I have ever had. My husband never forces me to do anything. He simply chose a wife that already had values and a view of the world that is highly compatible with his.

This doesn't mean we don't change at all. Together, individually, we constantly learn and thrive to be more effective. Being with, and especially around, my husband makes me want to be the best woman I could be. Learning from him and with him makes me stronger and more effective in achieving my goals.

Every married couple should have their unique arrangements. Not every woman likes cars or sports more than their husband. There are men who want to be involved in decoration and design much more than others. We are not all the same.

My advise to other young women looking for a husband.: Be yourself. Learn what that means in terms of building a home. We all have roles and responsibilities in relationships with others. Find out what your's are or what you want them to be within a marriage.
Then communicate them explicitly to your perspective partner. Ask him explicitly what he sees as his role and responsibilities in a relationship.

Don't be afraid of walking away if these two don't align enough.

If your perspective partner is acting in a way that doesn't align with your values and expectations. If you have tried to communicate explicitly, negotiate clearly what you want and it didn't work. Then walk away.
Don't waste your's or his time.

For those women who expect to be cared for, paid for and taken care of without feeling or seeing the need to take ownership of their responsibilities in return.:
Get a nanny. You are not looking for a husband, you are looking for a daycare. No one who is this irresponsible is in anyway mature enough to be looking for a husband.